Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
