with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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