I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
