so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
