So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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