this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize