thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
