I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
