The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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