well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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