THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
