It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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