I smell stomach acid.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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