Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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