I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
