$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
