Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Randomize
