How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I stole a fireplace last night.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
