I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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