This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
false alarm, still single
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