Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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