what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
