Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
