even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
