Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
They have beer where we have blood.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
