Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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