Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
