Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
