so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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