Im at strip club and am horny
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
