new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
