By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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