i used baking grease as lip gloss
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
