I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
