And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize