Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
