Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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