Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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