closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Randomize
