I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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