The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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