Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
