Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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