Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Randomize
