Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
