My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
