Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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