Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
