Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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