is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
