According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
