lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
