dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
