last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
