Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
