When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
