On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
