I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
