when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
