the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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