Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize