wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
