youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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