I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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