I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I have fence marks all over my body
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
