He had one of those small greek statue penises
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
