i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
